Ben Winkler - Relationship Coach For Single Women over 40!

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www.BenWinkler.com
Dating & Relationship Coaching for Women over 40!
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I’d Rather Be Single Than Settle!

by David Steele

To get what you really want, you must say “No” to what you don’t
want. Simple, but not easy.

I’ve settled for less than I really wanted many times in my life,
and each time my awareness of just how much of myself I gave
up to accept that “OK” job, buy that “OK” car, enter that “OK”
relationship that was less than I really wanted came much later,
when it was too late to do much about it.

Looking back with 20/20 hindsight, what could I have done
differently? Honestly, probably nothing. I had lessons I needed
to learn, a journey I was destined to take that led me to find the
love of my life and the life that I love.

What did I learn from making all those choices that seemed
right at the time? Here’s a few things-

Every choice has long-term consequences that are
predictable if you’re paying attention

If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is

I listen to my fears and doubts way too much

My choices and results are a direct reflection of how
worthy I feel and how well I’m taking care of myself

When I defend against what others say about me,
they’re always right and I’m always wrong (damn!)

Life doesn’t work the way you want, need or expect,
it works the way it works

Is it possible to catch myself settling before it’s too late?
Yes, I just have to listen to the garbage I tell myself; such as-

I don’t want to be alone

I REALLY want a relationship

I’m tired of looking, I might as well choose this one

I won’t find anything/anyone better

I’d rather have this now than risk nothing later

I don’t deserve true happiness

80% is good enough
Examining these statements now it’s easy to see they’re all FALSE.
Looking back, I knew I was telling myself these things, but my
awareness was dim enough, and my self-esteem low enough that
I allowed them to dictate my choices.

What could I have done differently? Simple. Require 100% and
not settle for less.

All the times I talked myself into accepting 80% prevented me from
finding and experiencing 100%. This hit home for me when I broke
up an 80% relationship and then met the woman I was destined to
marry just a few months later. It’s like I finally passed a cosmic
test of some kind.

Five years after writing the book Conscious Dating: Finding the Love
of Your Life in Today’s World and two years after finally finding my
soul mate, the biggest secret to finding true love that I’ve learned
is to love myself enough to fiercely go after 100% of what I really
want and truly believe that it’s possible.

Fiercely believe “I deserve to love and be loved.”

Fiercely believe “Seek and ye shall find.”

Fiercely believe “Build it, and they will come.”

And, fiercely believe “I’d rather be single than settle!”

David Steele, MA, LMFT is the founder of Relationship Coaching Institute
and author of the ground-breaking book for singles Conscious Dating:
Finding the Love of Your Life in Today’s World, now in it’s second edition.

For more information about David’s personal conscious dating journey
visit www.darleneanddavid.com For free access to his audio program
Conscious Dating for Relationship Success and other free resources
for conscious singles visit www.joinconsciousdating.com

www.BenWinkler.com
Dating & Relationship Coaching for Women over 40!
Visit our Facebook fan page, and for Women ONLY forum!

Text messaging is a perfectly acceptable form of communication if simple rules of etiquette are followed. A text message is acceptable when the message delivered is a simple sentence/question and can be answered in a sentence or two and does not leave the recipient asking themselves WTH…………..?

Acceptable text messages:

Good morning!
How are you?
Have a great day!
Had a great time last night. Thanks!
Miss you!
Can we meet for lunch?
Smile. It’s Friday!!!!
Can you pick up a gallon of milk on your way home?
Love you!

These messages have a clear meaning and do not require the recipient to “mind read”. If the text was in the form of a question, it should only require a short reply.

The following are examples of less acceptable text messages:

I cannot see you tonight.
Your dog was hit by a car.
I got fired today!
I think we should see other people.
I crashed my car and I am in the hospital.
I think your mother is having an affair!
I have an incurable disease.
The cat is on fire!
I want a divorce.

The messages above should not be sent as a text as they leave the recipient asking themselves questions. The messages do not contain any further information and cannot be answered in a short reply. These messages should be given in the form of phone call, no matter how uncomfortable/unpleasant the subject may be. And don’t forget, the tone of your text message may be misunderstood as your voice cannot be heard!

Sheryl Brown

www.BenWinkler.com
Dating & Relationship Coaching for Women over 40!
Visit our Facebook fan page, and for Women ONLY forum!

Intimacy Tip #10 (Day 10 of 10)

Commitment

We are not that good at honoring our relationship commitments in the U.S., but studies by researchers such as psychologist Ximena Arriaga of Purdue University suggest that commitment is an essential element in building love. People whose commitments are shaky interpret their partner’s behavior more negatively, for one thing, and that can be deadly over time. Covenant marriage - currently a legal option in Arizona only, Arkansas and Louisiana - is a new kind of marriage (emerging from the evangelical Christian movement) involving a very stron commitment: couple agree to premarital counseling and limit grounds for divorce. Conventional marriage in America can be abandoned easily, even without specific legal cause (the so-called no-fault divorce).

by Robert Epstein

www.BenWinkler.com
Dating & Relationship Coaching for Women over 40!
Visit our Facebook fan page, and for Women ONLY forum!

Intimacy Tip #9 (Day 9 of 10)

Self-disclosure

Research by Aron, Sprecher and others indicates that people tend to bond when they share secrets with each other. Once again, the key here i allowing oneself to be vulnerable!

Robert Epstein

Tomorrow’s tip:

‘Commitment’

www.BenWinkler.com
Dating & Relationship Coaching for Women over 40!
Visit our Facebook fan page, and for Women ONLY forum!

Intimacy Tip #8 (Day 8 of 10)

Touch & Sexuality

The simplest touch can produce warm, positive feelings, and a back rub can work wonders. Even getting very near someone without actually touching can have an effect. Studies by social psychologist Susan Sprecher of Illinois University, among others, also show that sexuality can make people feel closer emotionally, especially for women. There is danger here, however: confusing sexual attraction with feelings of love. You cannot love someone without knowing him or he. and attraction blinds people to important characteristics of their partner.

Robert Epstein

Tomorrow’s tip:

‘Self-disclosure’

www.BenWinkler.com
Dating & Relationship Coaching for Women over 40!
Visit our Facebook fan page, and for Women ONLY forum!

Intimacy Tip #7 (Day 7 of 10)

Kindness, accommodation and forgiveness

A variety of studies confirm that we tend to bond to people who are kind, snsitive and thoughtful. Feelings of love can emerge especially quickly when someone deliberately changes his or her behavior - say, by giving up smoking or drinking - to accommodate our needs. Forgiveness often causes mutual bonding, because when one forgives, one shows vulnerability.

Robert Epstein

Tomorrow’s tip:

‘Touch & Sexuality’

www.BenWinkler.com
Dating & Relationship Coaching for Women over 40!
Visit our Facebook fan page, and for Women ONLY forum!

Intimacy Tip #6 (Day 6 of 10)

Inhibitions

Countless millions of relationships have probably started with a glass of wine. Inhibitions block feelings of vulnerability, so lowering inhibitions can indeed help people bond. Getting drunk however, is blinding and debilitating!

Robert Epstein

Tomorrow’s tip:

‘Kindness, accommodation and forgiveness’

www.BenWinkler.com
Dating & Relationship Coaching for Women over 40!
Visit our Facebook fan page, and for Women ONLY forum!

Intimacy Tip #5 (Day 5 of 10)

Novelty

Psychologists Greg Strong of Florida State University, Aron and others have shown that people tend to grow closer when they are doing something new. Novelty heightens the senses and also makes people feel vulnerable.

Robert Epstein

Tomorrow’s tip:

‘Inhibitions’

www.BenWinkler.com
Dating & Relationship Coaching for Women over 40!
Visit our Facebook fan page, and for Women ONLY forum!

Intimacy Tip #4 (Day 4 of 10)

HUMOR

Marriage counselors and researchers Jeanette and Robert Lauer showed in 1986 that in long-term, happy relationships, partners make each other laugh a lot. Other research reveals that women often seek male partners who can make them laugh - possibly because when we are laughing, we feel vulnerable. Know any good jokes?

Robert Epstein

Tomorrow’s tip:

‘Novelty’